he's the one

it's funny how the world works, how things in your life happen...

just when you think that you have made the biggest split decision ever, this little silver lining comes out of nowhere to let you know it's all going to be ok, it happened for a reason.

This summer happened like whirlwind, then her began the fall and just when I thought that my world was falling apart it was actually falling into place.

my lost love

he is everything I didn't know I needed in my life.
he is everything I never knew that I wanted.

he is perfect in every way

addiction

i'm not in denial, i can admit it i'm an addict
i have an addiction in the worst way

I have this addiction, it runs like fire in my veins
It burns my insides,

It takes me to another dimension

the drugs i'm on, the one i need constantly, the drug of choice...

it's him, he's my drug of choice...

A little taste, and I'm hooked all over again.

I want him more than last time

But this drug that he is

He’s the reason I smile

He’s the reason I laugh

He’s the reason my heart melts

You can always tell when it’s him who made me smile

He's my drug, my hard core addiction.

The feel of his hands as they just barely touch my face,

the feel of his arms as he releases me from his grasp,

the look in his eyes as he turns to walk away...

Like a drug he has me high, and when he's around the high only gets higher.

He’s my drug directly to my veins, thru an imaginary IV I can feel his warmth around me

and without him my nights are lonely, and my days are long.

He's my hard core addiction.

But see there is no rehab for my addiction... and I don’t want rehab

It’s a high I never want to come down from

I never want to get over this addiction

I want to be in this high all the time, I always want this high to feel like the first time...

Oh but he

He says he's trying to convince me

Convince me he's a keeper

Little does he know...

He's the one that needs convincing. 

The tender way he glides his hands across my face

The way he gently tugs on my lips when he kisses me

The soft way he holds my hand

He's got me

He's got me wrapped around his finger

As I drag my fingers ever so softly along his shoulders, relaxing myself as I drift off to sleep

I feel the tips of his fingers along my thigh. 

Just to know he's sleeping inches away from me keeps me safe

To sleep alone is torture to me. 

He is

His energy is amazing.

His smile is stunning. 

His laughter is contagious. 

He has no idea..

He's refreshing and kind. 

He's like a cool breeze off the beach. 

He's a crisp spring morning. 

He's an early sunset in the fall. 

Hearing his voice makes me smile and my heart dance. 

Wanting more than a hug...

I want the sly glances across the room... the ones that last all night across the bar... the glances that turn into smiles the ones that leave you hanging as I walk out the door....

I want to turn around and see you chasing me, wanting me to stop... as I keep on walking...

I want the glances that turn into walking side by side and hand in hand....

I want the hugs that turn into long  kisses...

I want the long kisses that turn into waking up with your arms still around me...

I want more than your hugs...

I don't think I have ever felt so alone. He's in every thought I think in every breath I breathe in every beat of my heart. I miss him so much.

The only thing left of me right now are my tears... And I'm sure he has no clue

I wonder

I wonder if he thinks about me, if he knows the impact he's left on my heart.
Probably not.
He always writes about her, about this person who I'm sure made a big impact on his heart.
I wish he knew I would take away all his pain and turn it into happiness.
If he only gave me one chance I would turn his world around...

Everything

They say everything happens for a reason, but how come we never know the reason? Broken hearts.. For a reason. Being late for work... For a reason. Fights with your best friend... For a reason. I want to know the reason...

When he crushed my heart, I didn't get a reason I just got a lot of sad days, a lot of tears and a lot of mornings with swollen eyes. I know I can't make him love me but I wish I would have at least known what he felt or if he felt anything at all.... I just got silence.

Silence is the worst answer I could have gotten. I would have at least liked a fight better, a reason, something would have been better than just the silence he left me with.

just him

Being noticed every time I walked thru the door sent chills down my spine, my heart was beating so fast I thought my chest was going to explode, being noticed every time I walked thru the door was the highlight if my evening....

He left me smiling every time. My heart tingles even now at the thought of him. He makes my teeth sweat, ha ha. I miss the feel of his hands on my body, the touch of his lips on my neck, the simple caress of his hands. I just miss him.

I just keep waiting....

darkness

laying here in the early morning hours, all I can hear is the fan rattling and the computer humming , the constant vision of your smile the last time I saw you.
every night I lay here thinking about what I wished I had with you. all I wanted was to be with you, in your arms while we slept, like so many times before. I have never in my life felt as safe as i did when you held me close to you, never did I want those moments to ever end....

I never knew love until I fell in love with you, never has my heart ached so much. Had I known I was never going to see you again I would have held you a little longer, stared a little bit harder...

I wish I could make your heart understand how much I love you.... I had my chance to show you how I could love you, but I guess I failed....